I probably should have written these in Chronological order,anyway.Let's go back a few years to when I was a baby.Obviously I don't remember this but I have been told about it many times.
So when I was approximately 3 months old I was brought to a church gathering in Wicklow.(I said already my parents are Christians so Churches,camps and beach missions were a huge part of my life growing up).Anyway,when I was growing up my church was linked with another church about half an hour away.My family went down to visit the congregation, showing off their new baby.I must've been younger than 3 months...maybe only a few weeks old.They were walking around anyway,proud as punch,introducing me to all the different people.
One older woman asked if she could hold me.My parents smiled and apprehensively handed me over and watched as the woman cuddled me and told me how cute I was( they continued to watch,you can never be too careful with presbyterians :P).The woman took good care of me,explained that she had a grandson the same age and that perhaps we would be in school together.My parents smiled and nodded,paying little attention,looking lovingly at their first child.Time passed and the small talk continued...the woman looked startled and quickly handed me back to my parents.They were shocked,why would anybody want rid of their bundle of joy?!Despite their shock they took me back with open arms only to acquire the same startled look.It would appear that I had experienced a 'nappy malfunction' the poor woman's dress was soaked and soon my dad's shirt was the same.My parents apologised and made a brisk escape.Totes awky mo mo for them more than me.I hadn't noticed.I slept blissfully in the car home while my parents cringed at the trouble I had brought upon them.
There was little mention of this event until it neared time for secondary school.I learned that the lady's grandson would be in school with me.The first day arrived and I discovered he was in my form.As a timid twelve year old I avoided him like the plague.His sporty,'cool' image didn't match mine as a spotty,frizzy haired teenager.I was embarassed he might have known about the 'incident'.He payed no attention to me so it was all good.After I had built up my confidence a bit I began to put my trust in people far too quickly.Soon I was admitting the incident to a group of girls in an awkward attempt to make friends and before I knew it he was avoiding me at all costs.I tied two and two together and assumed they had relayed the message on to him.
The years of assigned seats in maths class killed me.We would never speak except for the occassional grunt of 'gis a pen!'.No please,no thankyou,no how was your weekend?!I hate to think I have offended people so I tried to make ammends.I decided one day I would apologise.I practiced what I would say,I caught him on his way out of the boys bathroom(the smell in itself took bravery to endure).I muttered something incomprehensible to which he responded "whaaa??" I took a deep breath and a gulp.I paused for a moment.'I'M SORRY FOR PEEING ON YOUR GRANNY!!!' I spluttered.The response was the same,'Whaaa?!?"I discovered he knew nothing until that moment,any chance of a friendship had been destroyed.He looked at me through squinty eyes and continued walking past.My face shone a beetroot red.
I continued through school,sat through many awkward maths classes and finished school with very few pens.I can see why he didn't want to be friends.I didn't really help myself.Two years out of school nearly and I decided I would add him on fb,surely no hard feelings now...or so you would think.Three declined friend requests later I'm still embrassed by that fateful day.
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